I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
