is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
