If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
honey bunches of taint.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
