I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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