I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic