i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.