Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC