don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.