Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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