Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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