Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
