1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I checked into jail on foursquare
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I party with great urgency now.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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