'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
