By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
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I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
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doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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