cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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