im having a threesome with these popsicles
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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