So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
