C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
