some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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