You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.