She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.