it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
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He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
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And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.