He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
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Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
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i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever