she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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