in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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