Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
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So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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