They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize