dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
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I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
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Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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