i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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