I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
wanna go halves on a baby?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
