I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.