i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.