Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.