Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been