i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
