Already got asked if we're dating
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.