eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.