As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20