And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals