I just made out with a guy for $7.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.