my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.