Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
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She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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