ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
