I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
