Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
