You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
