in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I did not marry a roomba.
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