she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
