just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
