Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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