I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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