My hand turned me down
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
