I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
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We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
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drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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