i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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