vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..