That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.