Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?