Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
