I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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