i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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