Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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