in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
