I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
