been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
