Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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