You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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